The green hath two pleasures: the one, because nothing is more pleasant to the eye than green grass kept finely shorn; the other, because it will give you a fair alley in the midst, by which you may go in front upon a stately hedge...

Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626), Essays, Of Gardens

Men of discernment have appreciated the sight of "green grass kept finely shorn" for ages. But today various uninformed greenies and other idiots sneer at a well-groomed lawn as a 19th century bourgeois innovation, which it clearly is not. These lunatics would like to turn your lawn into an untended heath, rife with noxious weeds, rabid skunks, weasels, and other vermin. These people should be chained to the floor of a rat pit for a few weeks, so they can get to know the cute little critters real well.

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